Cedo ou Tarde

     This is one of my favorite songs in Portuguese sung by the band NxZero.  Below is my own English translation of the lyrics:

Cedo ou Tarde (Sooner or Later)

When I lose my faith

I’m out of control

And I feel bad, without hope.

And all around me

There is envy

Making people

Hate each other more.

I feel alone

But I know that I’m not

Because I carry you in my thoughts.

My fear goes away

I regain my faith

And I feel that some day

I’ll still see you again,

Sooner or later.

Sooner or later

We will meet again,

I am certain, in a better place

I know that when I sing that you can hear me.

You make me want to live

And what is ours

Is hid safely

In me and in you

And just that is enough.

I feel alone

But I know that I’m not

Because I carry you in my thoughts.

My fear goes away

I regain my faith

And I feel that some day

I’ll still see you again,

Sooner or later.

Sooner or later

We will meet again,

I am certain, in a better place

I know that when I sing that you can hear me.

     I just love the hopeful outlook the lyrics have toward the future.  I don't know who the song is directed toward but I like to imagine a loving Heavenly Father looking down on us, his children, who seem so far away.  He can hear us singing but it's often hard for us to believe that.

     My favorite line is, "Me sinto só, mas eu sei que não estou" because it describes simply and eloquently what life on earth is like especially when I'm passing through a trial.  I feel alone, but I know deep down inside I know that I'm not.  With everyone moving away for the summer sometimes it's like that, too.  Looking around there aren't as many cars as usual and so many of my friends are off in far away lands and their hometowns.  Me, I'm sitting in my apartment putting my life in order and finishing up job applications.  Still I know that there will be plenty of new, as well as old, friends this summer and my life is really going swell.  Sooner or later a million things will be going on and I should really take advantage of this alone time in an empty apartment to rest up and prepare myself for those times.

     Another advantage of this free time is the opportunity I have to spend it on my knees.  During the school year I needed heavenly assistance more times than I can count and I felt really close to my Heavenly Father nearly all the time.  Now that things have calmed down I don't have as many emergencies to take to Him every day, but that means I'll have to try even harder to maintain our good relationship.  I don't want to forget that I need Him just because life is going well.  There's so much that I should do for Him so that when we meet again "sooner or later" I'll know Him because I've done his work.

      It feels good to be back on the blog.  The gospel is true, Heavenly Father hears our prayers and has a plan for us.  Sooner or later we will see His face and the face of our Redeemer again, and I'm more than certain it will be the happiest of reunions.

Back in the USACAFF

     I know that no one really reads this blog (can't blame them since I hardly read this log) but all the same my "finishing things" complex obligates me to make an update here. I returned last Thursday from one of the most challenging/fulfilling//torturous/enjoyable/spiritual/eye-opening/kick-awesome experiences in my life which was to serve a mission in the Sao Paulo East Brazil Mission. I know that in Brazil and Utah something like 66.66% of missionaries get sent to Brazil, but I think it was the perfect experience for me and am so happy to have been privileged to be there. Due to Visa problems my mission wasn't so simple either: I got to serve state-side speaking English, state-side speaking Spanish and in Brazil speaking Portuguese. It looks like with all this language mixing I am going to have to invest some money into a good English dictionary because I find myself unsure at times of which category the words I use belong. At Chevy's a server girl almost ran into me and she gave me a strange look when I told here to go first. Fortunately by my hand motion she understood me, because it was only at my table that I realized that I had told her "Pode ir" instead of "Go ahead." However I am untouched by companion separation anxiety, enjoyed very much gaining four hours in the time adjustment and am ever so excited to skip yet another winter of my life and go directly into a beautiful California summer where Larry's Produce will soon open and you can buy Jalapenos, nacho cheese, and ice-cream made with milk not water. It felt absolutely fantastic to be in Walmart, use the restroom, and not need to ask my companion to walk over there with me. It is freedom. Today I am sitting at the library (I walked there all by myself) and I can look over my notes from church on Sunday because I ATTENDED GOSPEL DOCTRINE. Including my time as a primary worker, that's almost the first time in four years. I don't know how long that will last.
     A long story short it is good to be back. All of you who sleep in on the weekends, eat jalapenos and ice cream and use correct grammar without thinking about it, appreciate it a little more. And never forget that, no matter what side of the world you are on, Jesus is the Christ, the Book of Mormon is another Testament of our Savior, and family relationships are forever. Now that I'm back with mine I think I'll try and appreciate it more.

"Inseparable"

"Like two sides of a coin, the temporal and the spiritual are inseparable." -President Uchtdorf

As soil and water tossed in air
Time turns slow
    end over beginning
Until soul and body merge
    pressed on from all ends
Two sides of the same
Tempered firm with earthen form
    and flow through path´s decision
Soft clay will only hold
    with two parts
In fairness, in union,
    in cleansing, in burning,
Forged a rod direct
    birthed in godly alloy
Famed a life
Immaculate

Learning Portuguese

Once again I am neglecting my online activities, but I would say that now I have a good reason. I got my mission call the night before the night before Christmas... Justin is going to BRAZIL! The only catch is I don't report for half a year and it turns out the Brazil might be the mission with THE MOST paper work and crazy shots that you have to get. On the other hand I have some more time to spend with my family, making money, and learning the language.
Since I'm fairly well versed in Spanish already, I figured learning Portuguese wouldn't be too bad. Portuguese is basically Spanish except that it's totally not. On paper it may look incredibly similar and many of the words and grammar are similar, but my major stumbling block is that whereas spanish spelling is phonetic, Portuguese is a little like French in that you may spell a word 'Joe' and it comes out your mouth 'Sasquatch.' Nevertheless, I accept this challenge. Forward I go into the land of the mission-called and look forward to this time of immersing mysself deeper into churchy foreign goodness.

Somewhere to be From

Recall those boisterous moments,
the many that come before quill inks parchment
just after an artist has stepped
out of the motions of life.
His mind's eye newly woken
is blurredly rolling
in search of inspiration.
The stream of everyday
looks mashed in waves crashing passed
the gentle
but somewhat hasty current of memory.
And so he waits
curving lines upon letters
to sift the stars among the sand.
Cleaning crusty excess from what might be a gem,
an aurora of mental possibility
finally filed down to a more narrow channel
still not perfect but definitely more manageable,
clear crystal reveals a blank landscape
his quiet place inside
which, lacking all else,
is a place to begin.

Just a Beggar

I was just reading in Mosiah where King Benjamin reminds his people that we are commanded to impart freely of our substance one to another. If someone asks us for something we give it to them; we don't question whether they deserve it or who's fault it is that they are in such a predicament. From the perspective of Christ's atonement and our Father's mercy we stand no more deserving than the next guy. The only questions I should probably ask myself is "Will this help?" or "What could I do that would help more?."**

While reflecting on this inspired counsel, I wonder could I live in such a way that I am willing to give freely, faithful in the promise that the needs of myself and my family will be provided for? As a full-tithe paying member of the church I have such a promise, and when the Lord has provided for my needs I am very much accountable for the needs of others. As to deciding how and whom to give to, my dad once told me about a man who approached him for money while he was sitting in his car. My dad, thinking of the probability that he would waste or misuse the money on drinks or drugs or any number of things, declined. Then the man asked again, if somewhat irreverently, "In the name of Jesus give me some money." With that, my dad handed him the cash he asked for. He later related to me that regardless if the money was used for evil or wasted purposes, there was no way that my father could be frowned upon for fulfilling a request made in the Lord's name. In the same spirit, I think it is a better policy to give freely until constrained by the spirit than to withhold our means until explicitly told to give.


**slightly irrelevant aside: When I see a guy holding an "Anything Helps" sign on the corner, I've always wanted to stop and give him one of my sets of juggling balls. It only takes 3 hours to learn how to juggle and it changes "that bum always begging for money outside of Food Maxx" into "That dude you always see juggling on the corner, gee he's getting pretty good, I always tell my kid to drop a dollar in his hat when we walk by." My brother and I have often collected donations even by accident while we were just practicing while waiting for our ride to show up. If we had no job and time to sit by a sign, that is precisely what we would and have in a sense done.

Alone with Bear

Uneasy eyes
float along after me
a small pile of fuzziness
relaxed on red lace.
Comfortable. Concentrating. Cute
to a casual observer.
But I know glass eyes
are cold.
Wild paws are not
made for cuddling.
If only I could move
but I daren't.
In his watchful glare
I cannot sleep.



Happy Halloween!