Somewhere to be From

Recall those boisterous moments,
the many that come before quill inks parchment
just after an artist has stepped
out of the motions of life.
His mind's eye newly woken
is blurredly rolling
in search of inspiration.
The stream of everyday
looks mashed in waves crashing passed
the gentle
but somewhat hasty current of memory.
And so he waits
curving lines upon letters
to sift the stars among the sand.
Cleaning crusty excess from what might be a gem,
an aurora of mental possibility
finally filed down to a more narrow channel
still not perfect but definitely more manageable,
clear crystal reveals a blank landscape
his quiet place inside
which, lacking all else,
is a place to begin.

Just a Beggar

I was just reading in Mosiah where King Benjamin reminds his people that we are commanded to impart freely of our substance one to another. If someone asks us for something we give it to them; we don't question whether they deserve it or who's fault it is that they are in such a predicament. From the perspective of Christ's atonement and our Father's mercy we stand no more deserving than the next guy. The only questions I should probably ask myself is "Will this help?" or "What could I do that would help more?."**

While reflecting on this inspired counsel, I wonder could I live in such a way that I am willing to give freely, faithful in the promise that the needs of myself and my family will be provided for? As a full-tithe paying member of the church I have such a promise, and when the Lord has provided for my needs I am very much accountable for the needs of others. As to deciding how and whom to give to, my dad once told me about a man who approached him for money while he was sitting in his car. My dad, thinking of the probability that he would waste or misuse the money on drinks or drugs or any number of things, declined. Then the man asked again, if somewhat irreverently, "In the name of Jesus give me some money." With that, my dad handed him the cash he asked for. He later related to me that regardless if the money was used for evil or wasted purposes, there was no way that my father could be frowned upon for fulfilling a request made in the Lord's name. In the same spirit, I think it is a better policy to give freely until constrained by the spirit than to withhold our means until explicitly told to give.


**slightly irrelevant aside: When I see a guy holding an "Anything Helps" sign on the corner, I've always wanted to stop and give him one of my sets of juggling balls. It only takes 3 hours to learn how to juggle and it changes "that bum always begging for money outside of Food Maxx" into "That dude you always see juggling on the corner, gee he's getting pretty good, I always tell my kid to drop a dollar in his hat when we walk by." My brother and I have often collected donations even by accident while we were just practicing while waiting for our ride to show up. If we had no job and time to sit by a sign, that is precisely what we would and have in a sense done.

Alone with Bear

Uneasy eyes
float along after me
a small pile of fuzziness
relaxed on red lace.
Comfortable. Concentrating. Cute
to a casual observer.
But I know glass eyes
are cold.
Wild paws are not
made for cuddling.
If only I could move
but I daren't.
In his watchful glare
I cannot sleep.



Happy Halloween!

R.I.P.

October 20th, 2010

The poor, bruised and beaten Work Shoes Of Justin were laid to rest ceremoniously into a garbage can after more than a year of dedicated service and abuse. A Photograph is not included due to the sad state of the bodies' appearance-- we would prefer that they were remembered as they were in their better days... On a lighter note, new work shoes have been purchased ($37!!! At PayLESS???) and today have begun their courageous crusade of walking, running, and stepping in strange new gross things 8+ hours a day.


I heard today the coolest Remix of Pixar's UP- If you click on the title of this post, you will be directed to a blog featuring the video. In my opinion a work of art worth appreciating.

I love jumping.

Often it takes a running start,
a little preparation of which I am all too fond,
but the jumping is definitely there.
Over hills, into holes,
through rings and clouds
of interesting people
that’s where I’ve found my favorite past times
memories bottled up
then drunk in reflection
now a whole new part of this self.
To jump is to love
oneself and everything around.
And when I happen to land
in a bit of mud
something sharper
harder than expected
that’s when I appreciate.
The colors of soil
swirled into a fluid marble
reflecting
the grandness of things still greater than myself
and the miraculous ability of one soul
to stand, recover,
rebuild the broken, severed, and burned bits
into a much better jumper.

Blogging: From the Voice of the Prophets

Because I was working I missed the Priesthood Session of General Conference, so now I am going back and watching the recording online in my own personal "makeup session." I was very surprised to hear in the very first talk by Elder Russel M. Nelson very specific divine direction to us as Latter-Day Saints in the Blogging Community. I'm not a terribly active or involved member of this community, nevertheless I thought it important that I include such instruction in my humble journal. I probalby included a little more than is actually necessary, but it's all just too good and I highlighted the section I'm referring to:



"Scripture tells us that “there are many yet on the earth … who are only kept from the truth because they know not where to find it.” Isn’t that your opportunity? You can become their own disciple of discovery!

Now in this day of the Internet, there are new and exciting ways you can do missionary work. You can invite friends and neighbors to visit the new mormon.org Web site. If you have blogs and online social networks, you could link your sites to mormon.org. And there you can create your own personal profile. Each profile includes an expression of belief, an experience, and a testimony. Because this is a new feature, most of these profiles are available in English. Profiles in other languages will follow.

These profiles can have a profound influence for good. Two months ago a young man named Zac—a freshman in college—saw an ad for mormon.org on television in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. He connected with the Web site and was intrigued by the profiles of Church members. At our Web site he found the link that informed him where he could attend church. The next Sunday, dressed in a white shirt and tie, he attended church, was introduced to members of the ward, and enjoyed all three hours of meetings. He was invited to a member’s home for dinner, followed by his first missionary lesson. In less than two weeks, he was baptized and confirmed as a member of the Church. Welcome, Zac! (He is listening.)

Each exemplary follower of Jesus Christ can become an effective member missionary. Members and full-time missionaries may walk arm in arm in bringing the blessings of the gospel to cherished friends and neighbors. Many of them are of Israel, now being gathered as promised. This is all part of the preparation for the Second Coming of the Lord. He wants each of us truly to be an example of the believers.

I know that God lives. Jesus is the Christ. This is His Church. The Book of Mormon is true. Joseph Smith is its translator and the prophet of this last dispensation. President Thomas S. Monson is God’s prophet today. I so testify in the sacred name of Jesus Christ, amen."

I'm still not very well attuned to the operations of this site, but I think I've linked mormon.org to the title of this post, and I will see if I can make it a more obvious part of my page. I did a little poking around myself on the mormon.org site and checked out the section including member profiles. It's awesome! There are personal experiences, conversion stories, and all kinds of encouraging testimonies and information just sitting there user-friendly with photos attached. I'm going to have to start to put my own profile together and encourage others to do so. There is so much evil out there on the web and I'm glad to find a little of what is holy as well. So to all you bloggers out there: Remember You Are A Missionary!

Justin David

A Mighty Man of God

Today a lovely friend of mine up at BYU sent me a text message:
"Dearest bestest guy friends, I would really like to thank you for being such incredible men of God. Keep it up :) Alma 48:16."

There was a time when I might have though "that's nice" and switched off my phone, but I've grwon a little since then and had some time since I just started my lunch break. I opened up the book of Alma:

"17 Yea, verily, verily I say unto you, if all men had been, and were, and ever would be like unto Moroni, behold, the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever; yea the devil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men."

I love uplifting messages that pop up in the middle of my day. Thank you, Elise! What made Moroni such a great guy was that he was a man of God. Captain Moroni was the man who fortified the cities of the Nephites. He raised the Title of Liberty and consecrated his life to defending his people, his country, and his God. One of my favorite things about Moroni was that he was kind of Mormon's hero; I mean Mormon named his son after him. When Mormon was serving as general during the final battles of the Nephites, you can see how he emulated the same strategies that the plates describe Moroni used during his great wars-- only they didn't work because the Nephites were the wickedest they had ever been, and were doomed to fail no matter how much Mormon did for them. If I could have the zeal and diligence that moroni did, if I could be half the father that Mormon was, I would be unafraid to call myself a true Man of God.
Again I have to thak Elise and all those strong, righteous, and beautiful young women out there who encourage young men to stay on the right path and true to the gospel. I can attest that we need all the help we can get, especially from you who seem to have a foot through heaven's door already.

Gird Your Loins With Truth

Thanks to the upcoming General Conference, Stake Conference, and October Primary Program Justin will not need to prepare a single Primary Lesson for another month. Perhaps he will use the time to do some recreational reading, go geocaching, or actually put something up on his blog. Only time can tell.

Today I spent some time reading an email home from one of my friends in the mission field who is right now serving in the phillipines. It being a mission and all, I can't exactly share all of the awesome things he is now experiencing because I'm only writing during my lunch break, and there is just too much cool stuff. Instead, I would like to expand on a little comment he shared that came from President Faust: When Jesus was in the desert and in the process of being tempted by the devil, how did he combat his foe? Let's take a look at the scriptures (taken from scriptures.lds.org):

1 Then was Jesus led up of the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil.
2 And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, he was afterward an hungred.
3 And when the tempter came to him, he said, If thou be the Son of God, command that these stones be made bread.
4 But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.
5 Then the devil taketh him up into the holy city, and setteth him on a pinnacle of the temple,
6 And saith unto him, If thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down: for it is written, He shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone.
7 Jesus said unto him, It is written again, Thou shalt not atempt the Lord thy God.
8 Again, the devil taketh him up into an exceeding high mountain, and sheweth him all the kingdoms of the world, and the glory of them;
9 And saith unto him, All these things will I give thee, if thou wilt fall down and worship me.
10 Then saith Jesus unto him, Get thee hence, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve.
11 Then the devil leaveth him, aand, behold, angels came and ministered unto him.
(Matthew 4:1-11)

Christ fought with scripture! At a moment when Jesus was weakened (at least physically) by days of fasting, he showed us that one of the best ways to deal with the adversary is with the truth found in the scriptures and words of the prophets. This really means a lot to me right now, as I am trying to go back and rememorize the scriptures masteries I learned back in High School. Not just to be able to find them and maybe recite them mostly if I think about it, but to have them down pat-- in order, any time, any place, and by topic as well as I can recite the articles of faith. So far I've been at it about a month and have the Book of Mormon up until Jacob 2:8-9, and Doctrine Covenants 14:7 (including the first four verses of the JSH section... that's a long one so I'm doing it a little at a time). Having those scriptures in my arsenal has already been a great blessing in my life as I use them to answer questions brought by my primary students; I'm sure that I will be greatful for them on my mission and for the rest of my life.

Stay strong everyone, the gospel is true!

Justin David

Shivalree ain't be ded yett, fuu!

So for those of you who don't know, I happen to more or less live in the 'ghetto' part of town. This surprises a lot of people considering I'm probably the least 'ghetto' person you'll ever meet-- I speak excellent english (ex-english major), have a generally mellow temperament, eagle scout, tend to stay in school, do my homework, go to church, drive the speed limit... you get the picture. If you're looking for trouble, well, you probably won't find me there.

Anyway, so the other night I was pulling in front of my house after a long day of work and I drive past this guy double parked in front of a condominium near mine. He's got his engine running and is honking his horn like he thinks it's a snare drum. I could hear him coming all the way around the circle, and it takes a little while for me to collect my apron and work things from the back seat, so he had probably been sitting there honking for a good five, possibly ten or so minutes. Well, as I'm unlocking my door a lady dressed up kind of nicely flings open the door he's parked in front of and screams "Come up to the door and knock, you idiot! Just cause you LIVE in the ghetto doesn't mean you got to BE ghetto!"

As her words registered in my mind, I imagined them appearing on a t-shirt. I have to give major props to this woman, and hope her man either shapes up or she gets a new one. You don't see that many guys these days opening the door, or walking on the outer part of the sidewalk, or doing any of those little things that show respect. I must admit it's even a little harder for me now that my car only unlocks from the driver's side-- if I want to open my date's door I usually have to run REALLY fast and hope they have trouble with the broken handle.

Brambles

"Throughout the world and among the membership of the church, there is great joy and great pain. Both are part of the plan. Without one, we cannot know the other. 'Men are that they might have joy' (2 Nephi 2:25)and 'for it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things' (2 Nephi 2:11) are not contradictory; they are complementary. In describing how he felt when he turned to the Lord, Alma the Younger said, 'My soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain.' (Alma 36:20)." (Elder Donald L. Hallstrom, Turn to the Lord Ensign May 2010)


I ran into this quote during my studies and felt that it eloquently summed the need we have for tribulation in our lives. It is so hard to see when we go through hard times how much those had times contribute to the growth of our character and our abilities.

When I juggle, I would not appreciate the ease with which I catch the balls, or the thrill of initiating a faster or altered clawing sequence if i hadn't been for all the hours I remember of dropping ball after ball watching as they roll mischeviously under chairs, couches, shopping carts, parked cars, and various thorny brambles-- then crawling over, around, and through each obstacle so that I could drop the ball again.

Similarly, when I sit in testimony meeting and cry quietly as a child stands to bear pure testimonty of my Savior Jesus Christ, I would not appreciate the overwhelming sense of peace and joy brought by the Comforter quite as much had I not all the terrible memories of loneliness and perceived despair brought on by sin, confusion, and frustration.

By walking among struggling members of the church and looking back on the stepping stones in my life, I know that the Lord lets us experience adversity for a reason-- if it's not for us to learn a lesson, then it is to give someone else the opportunity to serve. I try my best to be tankful for the trials that I'm given and perhaps more greatful for the ones that I'm not. Bearing testimony of my Savior, His Atonement, and the presence of the Gospel and a living prophet upon the earth I leave this in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Blinking Sky

have you ever felt sad
leaving that first star
out by herself
on the shelf of heaven
waiting for a friend
then walked into an
empty home
hoping you might reach her
but still need time to grow
your wings
how lost must her shelter be
afraid for brightness
slowly fading
eager for the everglow
that springs from star
and heaven's joining
yet time
will fill the script
between one page's end
and the plot's completion
reveal how long the star will wait
and when you
friend
will learn to fly

Introducing My Brother

YW Leader: "Hey, are you that guy?"
Ojastro: "Which guy?"
YW Leader: "The guy with the arms!"
Ojastro: "Yeah... I'm the guy with the arms."



This is my younger brother, Ojastro Abraham (a.k.a. 'Circus'). Believe it or not, he's only been bonebreaking/waving for about a year-- he's just awesome like that. This is him performing at youth conference last friday. He had about four days to put that routine together, hindered somewhat by the fact that the website he uses to make remixes shut down; fortunately he found out how to use the one on our computer just in the nick of time. Oh, and for all you screaming ladies in the background, he's only sixteen (seventeen in October) so he's not back from his mission for at least another four years. In the meantime, just relax and enjoy the show.

Field Trip!

This last Tuesday was probably the best day-off ever! At least, it has been since I did deliveries for the Bishop's Storehouse. I grabbed my Xathanael (brother, 6-years old), two sack lunches, and loaded into the school bus for my first elementary school field trip in ages! An hour and a half bus ride with a trillion rowdy first grades isn't exactly on the top of any one's wish list, but it was totally worth spending the day chaperoning(still does not make me an adult) a trip to the Exploratorium in San Francisco.
Accompanied by my brother and his friend James, we spent three hours jumping form exhibit to exhibit nonstop with a brief lunch somewhere in there. One of the first exhibits we encountered was this kind of coyote-walk thing where it grades your quietness in crossing a path of gravel. I was extremely disappointed that Xathanael insisted on cheating every time by putting his feet up against the box walls instead of actually walking in the gravel. Typical little brother(I'm sure that at his age I would have done the same). Another game on the upstairs floor involved swinging a stick back and forth to get another stick attached on a rotating joint to balance vertically on top. With the two younger boys cheering me on, I was very happy that my contact-juggler training finally paid off and I got it balanced on the first try. Definitely a highlight of my day.

One thing I can't get over is how incredibly and easily frightened Xathanael gets over little things. He refused to put the color-bubble over his head on the grounds that it was too frightening (picture to be included later) and he was not too keen on several of the living creatures nor the shadow-catching box (which James didn't want to move away from). Instead he touched anything and everything that had controls, buttons, or a joystick. I fear he is of the electronically addicted generation... although I must admit that having a cell-phone with distracting games on it bought me a good 30 minute nap on the way home so it's not all bad. Love my little brother, and thank him for letting me tag along. If only I was three feet tall... then maybe I could re-enroll.

I L0ve Ball00ns

This is kinda my unofficial balloon sensei. He can be found at "balloon-animals.com" along with a fairly comprehensive list of simple balloon creations. Apparently if you write him he'll also try to develop a design upon request, although I'm sure he has a lot of orders to sort through, and he does have a life (sorry girls, but he's married). He's pretty entertaining to listen to, although he does talk a lot so if you're fast on the up take it's not bad to skip ahead in the design. What I admire most about this balloon master is his amazing lung capacity; that's why I chose the second video in particular, despite the bad video quality-- about 2 minutes in you see him try to inflate 4 balloons at once with his mouth. He doesn't entirely succeed, but the result is still impressive. I still can't inflate a single balloon without at least using two hands (at least not without tiring myself out). And inflating with my mouth took some practice. Anyway, the first video is nearly brand-new on the site and I just picked it because it looks cute and cool and now I want to figure out how to build one really bad.

President Packer

Okay, I know that I've been at it for two hours now and I promised myself I would stop, but I was reading the archives again and instantly stumbled into one of my favorite quotes of all time by President Boyd k. Packer: "My message is to our young people. We have great concern for young people who grow up without values on which to base their conduct. I have long believed that the study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than talking about behavior will improve behavior." That's it! That is the reason why I have not become a sociologist or a philosopher or, when taking those classes, had much concern for all of the moral dilemmas and paradoxes thrust at me in volumes. It's not that I don't have respect for what Kant and Hume and all of them were trying to do, but really, when you get right down to it we have all the answers we need in the gospel and if we ever come to something where we don't have the answer, the answer is pray about it and ask the prophet if what you're thinking is right. Then Pray about it again. Then Act on it, and Pray about it Again. Repeat, etc. I love President Packer for being so to the point. And me, for being not so to the point.

Institute 1 June 2010...finally!

It feels like ages since our last Institute class, but it's been much longer since I actually recorded a reflection that I wrote about it. Our new teacher is Sister J, a wonderful person, and we are studying "Gospel Principles for a Provident Living."

The first lesson, of course, is an overview of the Plan of Salvation. This one was very cool because of all the fun stories, things, and insights that people contributed to the lesson. First, I have to comment how impressed I was about Sister J' copy of The Family: A Proclamation to the World. It's a large-sized book with glossy pages and the proclamation written as text throughout the book like a story, but the illustrated pictures are all from the life of Sister J and her extended family-- it looks very professional like something you would buy from an LDS bookstore, with a barcode and everything. Apparently it was a gift made by her daughter; needless to say I am very jealous and hope to make or have one made for me in the future. Or when I figure out how, and get together a sufficient photo collection I'll make one for my parents, my children, and my brother. It's a fantastic idea. Anyway, I digress.

I was really glad to be reminded by Jeremy of the Plan of Happiness as it is described in the Book of Mormon: essentially a bridge spelling out the PreMortal, Earth, and Eternal Lives being supported by the three pillars of the Creation, the Fall, and the Atonement. Someone else brought up a point about the War in heaven which I like and will have to look up. Actually I think I will do so now...hmm actually I can't seem to find the talk by Alvin R. Dyer (March 1961) they mentioned, I will have to look further elsewhere-- if anyone else finds it online let me know. Anyway, it discusses the council in heaven and the moment when God accepts the plan presented by Jesus and rejects the one presented by Lucifer. Actually, there was only ever one plan, God's Plan, and Satan rejected it and wanted to change it. Christ accepted it and became a part of it. The obedience to God is more yes or no, not either or-- Satan does not have a Plan. I think that's just a nice thing to know.

Another nice thing that touched me was the reminder from Sister J that the entire focus of the Plan of Redemption is on the family: helping and empowering us to establish, raise, and nurture Eternal Families, therefore coming to know eternal happiness. Knowing that can really change my outlook on life-- remembering it changes my life. There is nothing more important than family home evening and "home time" and family comes first before everything. Even President Monson will miss a meeting when his wife is ill. I should say especially President Monson will put family first when push comes to shove. I remember the story from his biography that talks about being a Bishop in a meeting where the Stake President was speaking. He received a prompting to go visit a man in the hospital RIGHT NOW, and so decided to leave as soon as the President finished. The spirit kept saying RIGHT NOW, so as soon as the President finished, he zoomed out of his chair and raced to the hospital where the brother was staying. As he was walking up the steps, a Nurse saw him and asked "Are you Bishop Monson?" When he said he was, the Nurse said that the man had been calling out for him for a while now, but had just passed away moments before. After that experience, President Monson promised always to act on a prompting of the Spirit, no matter the circumstances. There are plenty of things that he will put before a church meeting when prompted.

Okay, just one more since this is getting a little long. Sarah shared a story about her brother that I thought was very special. She talked about how before his mission he was going through some very rough temptations and difficult times, and it involved his entire family. During that time, she wondered that if God did not tempt you more than you were able to bear, why then did he have to wallow in so much adversity? Either he had to be an extremely capable and potentially powerful priesthood holder, or he was exceedingly weak for not being more resistant. At the time, she was seriously considering the latter. Well, that is in the past now and I've known that man and his family for a long time--I don't know all the details of what happened and I don't need to. He has had his life turned around and become an exceptional tool for good with a particularly applicable knowledge of the Gospel, a deep-rooted intellect covering especially the word of the Lord's inspired leaders, and a way of applying personal experiences to teach gospel doctrine that I admire very much. There is hardly a better example of the bettering power of the atonement around and in someway I hope to be like that.


I would like to take this opportunity to bear my testimony of the truthfulness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that he has provided tools and many means by which we can improve ourselves and draw closer to him through the atonement. I invite everyone to look for him and start in the right place by reading the Book of Mormon and gaining a testimony of his words as they come through a living prophet today. His spirit will manifest it to you. And I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Treasure Chest

a Box
of knicks n’ things
with a knack
to have just what I need
just in time to come in handy
aged in years
repaired and repainted
but still faded in the same corners

it’s My Box
to hide away
in pieces unimportant
to the world
memories tied
to string and medal
feathers photos and
yellow journal paper
letters to people long passed by
and numbers to others
just letting themselves in

That’s My Box
you can’t peek
without permission
or they might find what
those crafted jumbles hide
a puzzle piece reflection
not quite broken
an unfinished art selection
that shouldn’t be signed
until I’m done building me

Uh oh...

...It seems that I have let two months fly by without paying the least bit of attention to my blog. This isn't very surprising considering all that has happened recently, but really I usually do better than this. Good news is: now I'm an Elder, recovering well from all illnesses, and it looks as though my grandpa Justino is pulling through pneumonia in the Philippines and is going to be all right. On a much lighter note, soon there will no longer be a coffee cup pasted to the front of my Blog. I can't believe I left that up as my last post for so long. Anyway, the Prodigal Blogger returns and soon will have new and (hopefully) interesting posts to share. For now it's midnight.

On Coffee

I wrote this a long time ago during a poetry convention in Ontario; I ran into it recently in one of my old notebooks. I've included the "inspired by" credit because it was written just above the first stanza on the page, but I don't exactly remember "Passage" and it's entirely possible that note may have been meant for another poem. Who knows? Also, please don't mistake- - I have never had a sip of coffee in my life. This was an exercise to write descriptive fiction about an alternate life experience; to write a poem or story I often create an entirely alternate self and write from their perspective. This alternate self just happened to be a super-caffeinated office worker.



Inspired by "Passage" by Don Fisher Campbell


The cup of coffee in the morning
black poison but I like it.
stolen time from black beans ground
changed by cream and sugar to molasses
slides down my throat to coat the insides
a little soot to scrape out later
its hidden fire blazes in my eyes
for a moment
until all the work is done
except for the cold ash in
the hearth of my soul
(which I'll sweep out later)
left feeling down
but tired eyes sleepless
this time two cups
and a bit more sugar
might be enough to
get me out of my chair
keep me warm until the next
Grail of Borrowed Life
in the morning

Silent Remedy

During times of stress, I find enjoyment in seeking out those quiet little moments in the day that often we overlook or take for granted. Sometimes driving home at night after a long day at work I'll turn off the radio and the cd player, and drive home in the dark in quiet contemplation. Or, I'll wait until I reach my house then turn off the engine lights and just sit there in complete silence for a couple minutes. It's like sitting in a soundproof box; there is nothing like soaking up the silence and darkness before confronting the noise of the home that I love so very much. In a world of television, movies, washing machines, ticking clocks, and buzzing electric lights, sometimes a moment of silence is more precious than all the time in the world.

the hunger of
a silver medalist
must be beyond
those of a
how-to-book chemist
half-cooked amateur
garnishing
skewered hopes
yet
lacks the drive
of an early juicy
breakfast
good night sleep
and that awful
fated gift
raw talent

my
little tree
my little tree
unbending
not
bending in the wind
on mountain
sides over
cliff canyon reach
out branch
leaf and pine
green
from matchless
height
for such a
small body held
by deep

deep

roots

Mosquitoes

So recently one of the great questions in life was answered for me. Unfortunately, it also means that I have to love what is probably the most repulsive and annoying creatures ever to walk the face of the earth. What good, really, are mosquitoes to the world? Why did God make them? To scourge the wicked? Feed hungry bats? Well, I finally found someone with a good answer.

If you think about it, besides the oceans, most of the places in the world that remain green and undeveloped by rampant human 'development' remain that way because they are warm and damp and breeding grounds for... you guessed it. Mosquitoes. It turns out that Mosquitoes seem to be big "Do Not Enter, Keep out" signs for the human race at large, thus preserving enough lush greenery on the face of the planet to recycle our oxygen and keep things moving.

If it weren't for mosquitoes holding us back somewhat it is entirely possible we would have devastated the landscape to the point that Someone would have had to intervene and stop us from suffocating ourselves on our own planet. Or perhaps Someone did intervene, and that's why we have the Mosquito. So now when I thank my creator for the birds and butterflies, chocolate and writing paper, I must also give thanks for the Mosquito who reminds me not to build so much that I mess up my planet's beauty and consequently die a horrible death.

Leaving you with that pleasant thought
Beloved J.

Institute Tuesday, 16 March 2010: Indefatigable

There were so many great topics covered in that short hour and a half class, but I just can't write about them all. The scripture we studied for that night was Helaman chapters 10 through 16, covering both the prophecies of Nephi (the son of Nephi, the son of Helaman) and the brief but powerful ministry of Samuel the Lamanite to among the Nephites. The first item of discussion was focused on the word 'Ponder,' essentially that in thinking about something, especially when it is Gospel related, often requires asking questions. Most of the revelation present in the Doctrine and Covenants for example arose from prophets and individuals who thought of questions and took the extra step to ask God what the answer was. Thanks to them we have so many wonderful gifts of guidance from our Heavenly Father.

Secondly, Brother Clark discussed the concept of 'Unwearyingness' a trait used to describe Nephi in his missionary efforts. For example, after a long time of work Nephi is headed home when he is visited by the Lord and given the Sealing Power. Immediately after receiving this great blessing, Nephi halts his return trip and returns back to the great city to continue his ministry. His level of diligence was incredible. Brother Clark presented an alternative (and somewhat more impressive sounding) word to describe such a person: indefatigable. Basically it means you are not fatigued, or untiring in your labors.Such a trait is certainly something to seek after; he suggested trying things like making a chart of steps or goals towards that end or finding someone who possesses that trait and observing them so that you may emulate their practice of it.

In this discussion we were reminded of King Benjamin's admonishment (I paraphrase) "to not run faster than you have strength." I am always more than wiling to bite off more than I can chew in my day, and when I make a "to do list" there often seems to be more on it by the end than when I started it. And when you look at the list of activities, hobbies, clubs, and organizations I have been involved in you might think that I have a bad case of ADHD. It has been a tough lesson to learn that sometimes I just need to say 'no' and not try and do everything just because it is good or fun or invigorating. The conference address several years ago "Good, Better, Best" was definitely written for the likes of me. Not to overload yourself was a lesson I learned the hard way, and am still learning.

The lesson ended with a reflection of a part of God's message for us. The adversary is quick to point out our mistakes, flaws, and the direness of out situation. However, God is there to tell us not to be discouraged and that through him and by his son we can do something about whatever problem/weakness/mistake we might face. I mean, if we have the potential to serve and to rule in God's Kingdom, what is a little earthly trial to us? Just a pop quiz in one of the longest, hardest classes we've ever taken.

On General Conference...

General Conference is only a few short weeks away, and already I am impatient to hear the news of the coming year. I just started going through the online archives of the previous general conferences beginning at 1997, where the farthest back I can go on the list. After reading the opening remarks by President Hinckley I was amazed at the changes that have gone on in just the few short years that I've been alive. In his introduction in 1997, President Hinckley announced the groundbreaking of the Conference Center at Temple Square. I almost laughed when I read his description: "It will be used for general conference and for other purposes that are in harmony with the reasons for which it is being built. The stage will be such that it can accommodate a large pageant. We may not fill it initially, but we are building for the long term."

I thought it interesting that he was concerned that initially it would not be filled to capacity. Today, at least as I understand it since I've never actually been there, the church has to restrict the number of people permitted to attend. People from all over the world gather there. Also, I was impressed that in that same meeting President Hinckley announced the formation of the Area Authority Seventies, a really revolutionary organizational change that would allow the church to grow indefinitely. To think that all this happened when I was 7, and I didn't even realize it! It makes me wonder what kind of new revelation and changes are going to take place this year. I'll definitely be sitting there with my pen and pad ready to jump on anything President Monson and all the others have to say. I failed this time to get up to Salt Lake and watch the conference in person, but maybe next time.

Hope you'll all be listening.
Beloved J

He Didn't Have To Be.

This is one of those songs that is the reason I fell in love with country music (at least this part of it). I'm a real sucker for these stories... plus Brad Paisley is an amazing guitar player and lyricist. Just thought I'd share this video because it makes me feel good. The little kid is adorable. When he gets to go to the movie, I feel like shouting "yes!" out loud (Of course I didn't because everyone in the library would have looked at me oddly, but I still celebrated quietly to myself).

Brief Reflection

I have to say that all this writing for no other reason than self growth and satisfaction has become enormously fun. Albeit thus far I've pretty much done nothing but reflect on gospel lessons, just about writing the equivalence of a sacrament meeting talk- but I guess there are worse ways to spend one's time. Now that I'm getting back into the habit of actually waking up in the morning, and this cold has almost worn off, maybe I can start writing more poetry and reflections of the everyday. Material considered more traditionally recreational might get my head odd the pillow and a bit more up in the clouds.

Father's words, Sacrifice, Restoration: Institute Tuesday, 23 Feb 2010

It is my adopted philosophy that the purpose of formal gospel education is to provide an opportunity for students to take away at least one thing to remember in their lives. I figure the best method, at least in my case, is to take what you learned and write it down. In Brother Celaya's lesson this week, I've got three ideas to store in writing:

Firstly, fathers should have words for their sons to remember. While there are many references throughout the scriptures, this idea was taken specifically out of Alma 36:17-18 where Alma the younger recounts his dramatic conversion experiences to his son Helaman. As Alma was in a state of utmost despair, fearing the damnation of God while in his awful state of sin, he remembered the words of his father, Alma the High Priest, who preached unto the people concerning "Jesus Christ, a son of God, to atone for the sins of the world." Remembering his father's words is what enabled him to call on Christ in his time of need and recover from is awful state. Thus the idea is that fathers should waste no time in finding and sharing words specifically for their children to remember.

Second, is the idea that 'suffering is the process of self-change.' It really doesn't matter how much money we make, how much recognition we get, or really if we accomplish much at all in this world. Isaiah spent his whole life suffering and working hard only to fail in saving a hard-hearted people. What matters to an individual is how they have changed to become more like their Father in heaven. I can't think of any better way to change but what will require suffering to some degree either through affliction or self sacrifice. Often the greater suffering brings about greater change.

Finally, something referred to as the "Law of Restoration." This is taken from Alma 41, applying the change that comes over our souls in the Resurrection. Essentially, the point is that "Wickedness never was happiness" so you will not be changed from sin and/or wicked desires to light and good desires. Rather, in receiving a perfect and immortal body (described as 'spiritual' body by Paul) you are raised by God 'to your desire.' He helps you achieve what you really want and strive for by giving you the ability to obtain it--either eternal happiness or eternal misery dependent upon what direction you are pointing in. In other words: at the resurrection you are exactly the same person you were before… just enabled.

stained-glass eyes
worshiping clearly what
can't be seen
within themselves
still
burning brightly

ones eyes made clear
by time ticking
frightfully
fast touching the hands
long finger ends
painted glaze covering
warmth
hurt beneath

cleaned glass eyes
boxed in with care
love
life support
showering hands
bonds
tied in a short time
going on to last
a lifetime
short
then forever

Humble Eyes: Institute, Tuesday 16 Feb 2010

A couple of weeks ago Brother Clark taught our Institute class. He shared several things well worth remembering, but the thing probably most easily put down in words was a message about humility and mirrors.

Brother Clark pointed out that there were essentially two distinct kinds of repentance. Firstly, there is the specific kind of repentance most often referred to, where one has committed an act of transgression and then tries to make restitution for it. That might be called repentance of a thing. The second kind of repentance is more of a conscious attempt to change yourself--repentance of who/how you are. While this kind of repentance really goes hand in hand with the first kind, it doesn't necessarily require that you do something wrong.

Brother Clark gave the example of a man (I believe he eventually became a general authority) who devoted much of his life to the art of music, being extremely talented at playing the saxophone. During his early adult years he enjoyed playing in a band that travelled the country. However, when he got married he came to the conclusion that the life of a traveling musician was not one conducive to raising a family. Thus he quit the band and locked his saxophone in its case never to be taken off the shelf again, using that time instead to focus on rearing his family. His daughter relates that he did in fact play again, but only for the occasion of Family Home Evening. Apparently he was a very good player.

For this brother, playing the saxophone could hardly be called a vice, and his talent and enjoyment of music was certainly not a bad thing. Continuing to play probably would not have seriously hurt him. However, by taking the moment to step back and examine his life, this man saw a way in which, through what in the grand scheme of things was really a small sacrifice, he could better the lives of his future family. While it was not bad to play the saxophone, it was certainly better to build up his family and no doubt he was blessed for his sacrifice.

These kind of repentant changes in our lives are different in how they apply to each individual (some might need to take up the saxophone rather than put it away) but the way they come about is by increasingly seeing ourselves as we really are--how God sees us. God sees us in our weakness, yet he still loves us. He also sees our potential. The friends with whom we associate can be mirrors that assist us in examining ourselves. I once heard that we ourselves are the sum of our five closest friends. Seeing ourselves as God sees us is a kind of humility, but discouragement is not an element of humility. Another mirror that helps us examine ourselves is our patriarchal blessing. A patriarchal blessing declares one's heritage--which is through the tribes of Israel, among the sons and daughters of Abraham. This heritage marks us with the responsibility and potential to walk with the elect in building God's kingdom. You are a child of God, a soul of godly potential. The rest of a patriarchal blessing outlines specific blessings available to you because of that potential. It's good to know our weaknesses so that we can improve, but it is equally important to know that the Lord will make your weakness your strength and has a plan that enables you to reach your celestial goal.

"And if men come into me I will show them there weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." -Ether 12:27

And that is a little of what I took away from Institute last week.

My Testimony

Nothing that is a part of myself would be complete without including a testimony of my savior Jesus Christ.

I know that I have a loving Father in Heaven who cares for me and watches over me from day to day. I know that I can speak with him through prayer and that he both hears and answers my questions and desires. I know that Jesus Christ once walked upon the Earth as a mortal man and that he suffered fro my sins in the garden, died for me on the cross, and through his atonement all mankind may be saved from both a spiritual and a physical death to be raised again into a perfect life, like he was. I will ever be grateful for his sacrifice and hope that I show it every day. I believe that families can be together forever, and I know that the temple is the key to that happening. I know that His Holy Priesthood is the power of God on Earth to work through man to build His kingdom. I know that the Book of Mormon is the word of God and that it was translated by his power that we could have it in these latter-days. I know that God works through a prophet today, as he has in the past, and his name is President Thomas S. Monson. I have faith in the leaders of the church and know that if I follow their council, and the accompaniment of the Spirit, I cannot fall.
This brief testimony I leave to the world, and especially to my many friends and family, in the name of my Lord, Jesus Christ. Amen.